It’s not you, It’s a me!

 

Dear Mario, I don’t really know how to say this…

But you’re just an annoying little git aren’t you?

It’s not just you, it’s the whole world that you inhabit. I don’t mind the cartoon visuals, the bouncy tunes, and yes, you’ve got some great characters, but it’s all just too videogame-y.

Let me explain…

So, it’s your latest Odyssey that has finally made me realise how much we’ve grown apart… It’s the Switch’s second big hitter and another contender for game of the year, if not game of the generation, after the mighty Breath of the Wild.

So, i’ve played it, I enjoyed it for what it was, but I’m not keeping it. I know that, having seen the credits roll, there’s a shedload of things we still haven’t done together, worlds to explore, story to unlock, little twisty jumpy bits to swear at, that sort of thing, but…

It’s not just your latest iteration, I don’t think we’ve been getting on since I owned and rinsed the original two-screen Game & Watch back in 1982. There’s just too much going on, too many changes of pace, of style, of gameplay, of, well, of everything. Your inherent madness is just too much to bear, I need a bit more… Well, a bit more consistency.

This is massively noticeable in the New Donk City section of Odyssey, where semi-realistic looking NPCs wander around behaving, well, behaving like NPCs in a Mario game. It simply doesn’t work. See also, the slightly spurious dragon fight later on in the journey – or the one against a giant disembodied baby head. They wouldn’t be out of place in Bayonetta, but do they really belong in your day-glo world?

Jarring.

That’s the word. It just jars, too much dissonance between (or even inside) worlds. I know that this is precisely what some people love about you and your world, but as much as I love videogames, I don’t love them like this.

I’m going back to Hyrule…

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